Assessing the state of your relationship can be helpful to determine what action you need to take next to move it up to a more satisfactory level or accept and enjoy where it is.

Asking yourself what you want in your relationship and for what you are willing to settle is revealing.

Personally, I don't want to settle. I want my life and relationship to be the best it can be. I want an extraordinary relationship. My intention is to express my best self and be loving, kind and compassionate. I may not be that way every moment of every day, but I do the best I can, given life stressors. I want a relationship that is extraordinarily loving and joyful.

THE FIVE STATES OF RELATIONSHIP:

1. Relationship is great

Extraordinary, blissful, couldn't imagine being happier.

You are both experience connection and are committed and attuned to each other. There is a high degree of intimacy both emotionally as well as physically, You share values and have a shared vision for your future. You are a team in all areas of your life. You function as business partners as well as lovers. You go through life challenges supporting each other. You know your partner will always have your back and you theirs. Your relationship is a great adventure that is filled with excitement and fulfillment.

Recommendation: Enjoy

2. Relationship is Good

You are both happy, content and enjoy each other's company and find interest in similar activities. Your communication is clear and effective as you express your feelings and ask for what you want and need. Misunderstandings are rare and when they do occur you resolve them quickly.

Recommendation: Keep the dialogue going and resolve any disputes promptly.

3. Relationship is a little stressed

The power struggle is apparent in this state.

You may discover you and your partner have different goals, values, and desires. There are disagreements over these.and occasional arguments. Most of the time you have found a way to be polite and cordial with each other. Over time couples become comfortable with each other and become complacent, and the relationship becomes boring, stale and routine. You may feel there is a lack of depth, intimacy, and understanding.

Recommendation: Discuss your goals, values, and desires. Be assertive, not aggressive in asking for what you want. Take time to listen to each other until you understand your partner's position. You may want to consider professional counseling

4. Relationship is definitely stressed

You and your partner have become frustrated with each other and are frequently emotionally reactive. The emotional reactivity may show up as yelling, blaming and name-calling or as distancing and avoiding each other. Nothing appears to get settled or resolved. You don't feel heard and understood by your partner. Your emotional needs are not satisfied.

Recommendation: Try hard not to judge and react aggressively. Make an effort to listen to your partner and understand before reacting. Do not criticize, blame or call names. Take a time-out to calm yourself before engaging with you partner. Seeking professional help is strongly recommended.

5. Relationship is stressed to the max

There is unresolved conflict, intense fighting or extreme avoidance. Divorce is threatened or mentioned frequently. You can't imagine your relationship being worse than it is, and you feel miserable. If repair doesn't occur, divorce is likely.

Recommendation: Don't mention 'divorce' unless you are ready to act on it. Find a way to make yourself more peaceful. If you want to save the relationship, you will need professional counseling