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THE THREE BIGGEST MISTAKES IN RELATIONSHIPS

 

We all make mistakes.

Sometimes you might know better if you took the time and thought about it.

Other times you don't realize that what you did wasn't an effective thing to do.

Do you ask yourself:

How did that work out for me?

What was the result of my action?

If I could do it over again what would I do differently?

Mistake #1 - Making judgments

The Course in Miracles teaches us not to judge, not because it is wrong but because you never have sufficient information on which to make the judgment.

I believe that you and everyone else do the best they know how to do or are emotionally equipped to do at any given point in time. If you knew how to do it better, you would and so would everyone else.

This motto has helped me have compassion and understanding for others as well as for myself. It reminds me to seek to understand and enables me to forgive.

Mind reading is thinking we know someone else's motivation when they haven't told us. Making assumptions, you know something you don't cause many problems in relationships.

Making judgments leads to the other mistakes.

Mistake #2 - Criticism

When we make judgments and think we are 'right' it is easy to think, we have the right to criticize and tell others how they are wrong.

Mistake #3 - Blaming, shaming and name calling

When you think you have the right to criticize, you may blame and call the other person negative names.

These three mistakes are off offputting, and hurtful to another person and put them on the defensive. These mistakes make it difficult for another person to hear what you are saying without reacting defensively. None of these behaviors support a healthy relationship.

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TESTIMONIAL


Before coaching, I had a lot of fear and anxiety that kept me from doing things I knew I should do to get ahead. I was tired of being alone and not having a relationship. When I did go out with a guy, within the first few dates anxieties and behaviors that I thought I was past resurfaced. I felt like I couldn't control myself or my emotions. I felt terribly insecure and desperate. I thought I needed to settle for whoever would be with me even though they were not my ideal mate. 
 
Finally, I said to myself “enough is enough”.  I realized that I was never going to figure this out on my own.  I also recognized that this wasn't something that was a medical necessity for which my health insurance would pay.  A relationship coach was just what I needed.
 
I loved that no matter how crazy I sounded to myself my coach seemed always to understand what I was saying and feeling and made sense of it. 
 
Since coaching, I have gained confidence in myself and am now married to a wonderful man. This increased confidence and communication skills have also showed up in my professional life, and I have increased my income 50%.
 
Thank you, Dr. Marian, for all the help you have given me. 

Lee S.