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1. Be kind to yourself first. Notice what annoys or frustrates you and take responsibility for yourself by correcting your thinking and regulating your emotions. Don't take your frustrations out on someone else. It is easier to be kind to others when you are kind to yourself first. Be authentic.

2. Take a break from contact with others if you find it hard to be kind and compassionate. It is not your job to live up to other's expectations. Try not to get defensive.

3. Don't take another person's inventory, Don't look for other's faults. Don't judge others as good, bad, right or wrong. Mind your own business.

a. Look for the good, what is right about others not what is wrong.

b. If anything another person says or does directly affects you, then say something like "When this happens I feel___."

4. Don't criticize - no negative 'you' messages. No name calling, No putting others down to make yourself feel up. No blaming.

5. It is not your job to teach or correct others how you think they should be or behave. Do not give unsolicited advice. Ask permission before suggesting to someone anything that you think would be helpful for them,

6. Assume everyone is doing the best they can under the circumstances. If they knew how to do it better or were emotionally equipped to do it better, they would.

7. You do not need to be around someone who mistreats or criticizes you. If you feel someone is consistently unkind to you, even though you have asked for a change in that person's behavior, you are not required to be around if they persist in being unkind to you. That is being kind to yourself.

8. As my mother taught me, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Sometimes it is best just to smile and say nothing. And at other times you need to speak your truth as kindly as possible.

9. Say only those things to another that will help them feel good about themselves. Why would you want them to feel bad? We are all struggling to love ourselves.

10. Do you have compassion? Are you empathic with others pain and joy? If you do you don't control, shame or emotional manipulate others.

11. Actively listen to another person until you understand them. Listening is an act of love.


3 Tips: How to Have an Extraordinary Relationship

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Before coaching, I had a lot of fear and anxiety that kept me from doing things I knew I should do to get ahead. I was tired of being alone and not having a relationship. When I did go out with a guy, within the first few dates anxieties and behaviors that I thought I was past resurfaced. I felt like I couldn't control myself or my emotions. I felt terribly insecure and desperate. I thought I needed to settle for whoever would be with me even though they were not my ideal mate. 
Finally, I said to myself “enough is enough”.  I realized that I was never going to figure this out on my own.  I also recognized that this wasn't something that was a medical necessity for which my health insurance would pay.  A relationship coach was just what I needed.
I loved that no matter how crazy I sounded to myself my coach seemed always to understand what I was saying and feeling and made sense of it. 
Since coaching, I have gained confidence in myself and am now married to a wonderful man. This increased confidence and communication skills have also showed up in my professional life, and I have increased my income 50%.
Thank you, Dr. Marian, for all the help you have given me. 

Lee S.